LOONY 'MANICFESTO' FOR NORWICH

THE OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY MANICFESTO FOR NORWICH NORTH.


FORGET ALL THE HYPE AND FLIPPIN' FUSS, NOW IS THE TIME TO VOTE FOR US !!!

GOVERNMENT
We will protect all " Non- Value - Adding QUANGO'S " from pressure groups expecting any " value" by the creation of,

1.The MCC ( Moat Cleaning Council ) - to ensure that all Moat cleaning is performed in accordance with all current EU and " Elf & safety" standards.

2. The RDHDC ( Regional Duck House Development Council ) - to ensure that all " Duck House" architectures is consistent with our heritage and we avoid any " Monstrous Carbuncles " .

3.The PBBAS ( The Paper Boys's Bonus Advisory Council ) - to ensure that their annual profit related bonuses are invested in a " state Owned " banks to ensure a " multi - million pound pension pot " that will enable them to eat occasionally when they retire .

4.The MWBDC ( The Mega Wheelie Bin Development Council ) - to prepare the way for " bi-annual " domestic refuse collection .

TOURISM
We will erect a statue of of Delia Smith to whisk up the tourism industry in Norwich, this will be the icing on the cake for Norwich.

EDUKASHUN
We propose a return to basics, to the three 'R's.Reeding,Riting, and rock 'n' roll. Teech the kidz to reed and rite proper like their momz and dadz.

We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer together and issuing them with smaller desks.

ENVIRONMENT
To avoid flooding in Norwich from the River Wensum, all houses will have foundations made of sponge, in order to soak up any surplus water.

We will clean up the River Wensum by introducing crocodiles into the river.You may laugh, but whenever you see a wildlife programme on t.v. are'nt the crocodile swamps always clean? A pirate ship will be moored at all times on the banks of the River Wensum . Any local politicians found to be lying to the electorate will be forced to walk the plank.

Fluorescent dog food will be introduced so you can see the dirty dog poo glowing at night, you can then see it glowing and don't step into it.

HEALTH
Obescity in Kids - If you want your kids to be less fat .....feed 'em less( do we need to make a policy of this...it's common sense).

We will ask the tooth fairy to bring back all the good teeth and stop the rot in dental services.

O.A.P.'S
We will provide a free heated toilet seat for all O.A.P.'S.

The care in care homes needs to be addressed. We will stop the cocktail of drugs used to keep the elderly quiet and replace it with fruit cocktail, oxtail, and prawn cocktail.

LAW & ORDER
Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.

Any child found breaking the Auntie Social Order will be sent to their Uncles for a good clip round the ear.

All police will be made to say HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, This will treble the police force.

To protect the environment all local police forces will be the first to be issued with lead- free pencils.

KEEP NORWICH TIDY
People caught littering in Norwich will be picked up by a large pair of forceps (the claw shaped device used by park attendants) and dropped into the nearest landfill site ( which will be relocated to their back yard).

REFORMS FOR FIREMAN
To help ease the duties of firemen. The Loony party would paint little arrows on all the trees in Norwich so that cats could find their own way down.

KNICKERS POLICIES
Underpants worn in Norwich will be fitted with catalytic converters to reduce the amount of harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

REGIONS
Norwich shall hold an annual gala event. The only criteria shall be that MP's will be held in stocks, while the electorate throw custard pies, eggs, and rotten tomatoes.This will allow them to regain their humility.

PUBLIC TRANSPORT
All bus shelters in Norwich will have central heating. This will be turned on full in summer and off in the winter, just like the buses.

SPORT
All of Norwich City's opponents will be made to wear carpet slippers to give the budgies a more sporting chance.

We will revive that old crowd favourite...The Norwich Witch Ducking Championship (which was abandoned 400 years ago due to contestants drinking too much ).

A children's marbles contest will be held every year in Norwich .This will help raise money for politicians who have lost theirs.

LOONY CHARTER
We'll encourage provision of cash machines with a little flap.From this flap your money will be passed to you 24 hours a day by the hand of a bank employee. For that personal touch.

Hat Wearing will be encouraged in Norwich by abolishing VAT on head wear. This will revive the local millinery industry and increase local employment.It will be illegal for bald people not to wear a hat. This will help prevent accidents caused by sunlight reflecting into the eyes of unsuspectingly aircraft pilot

DEMOCRACY
There is currently no " none of the above " options on the ballot paper. If there was, more people might actually express their opinion. In the meantime there's The Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

ELECTION LOTTERY
To encourage local participation in the elecshun process. It is proposed that people who vote should be given a free go on the national lottery.

TRANSPORT
Space hoppers will be installed as basic transport to solve local traffic problems and prevent boy racers from joy-riding.

Pram lanes will be introduced to all urban streets.